The Gold of Horny and Practical Attraction

I was married by the time I was 25 years old and during the time I was married I often felt very conflicted about attraction to others, men or women. The conflict was not about my confused sexual identity and my inability to choose a side but with attraction itself. I remember being told or having read it somewhere that even looking at another in a way which provoked sexual energy was cheating. Part of me knew this was untrue and that what actually matters is our behavior. I do believe many of us defend our visual hunt for ass as being biologically justified, but like so many things in life there is always an impact to our actions; our obsessive and unwanted gawking also needs to be done in moderation out of respect for others. Attraction is more than the hunt though; it is biological and it does trigger a cascade of chemicals in our bodies. As a culture we have a poor understanding of attraction and its true purpose. Some would say that we are not meant to be monogamous because if we were we would be able to shut off attraction when we are in a relationship, conversely many of those who are staunchly monogamous tend to believe cheating occurs on a vary broad spectrum from subtle (thoughts) to the gross (action).

So what are we to do? If we repress attraction then life in some ways will begin to feel very dull and the repression of this energy could also manifest issues around sex. If we express or act on our attractions in excess then our fucking around could have a number of negative consequences to both our relationships and personal health. The answer is understanding and recognition that we have a choice to act or not, to repress or not, which ultimately leads us to the third choice which is to use this provocation of our energy and biochemistry to nourish our being deeply.

When we make eye contact with someone whom we find attractive we experience a feeling. That feeling is triggered by a number of endocrine secretions including oxytocin, dopamine, testosterone... That feeling is also energy in motion and what we do with that energy will actually lead to internal friction or vitalization of our body. Some of us actually will begin negative self talk, which is a form of repression, thinking that we are too ugly or that we are somehow unworthy of another's attention and affection. Others of us will create elaborate fantasy or story around what the eye contact means further inflating our already ballooned ego with reflections on how hot and sexy we are. What I am suggesting you try instead is to first recognize your storyline regarding this eye contact, and secondly bring you energy back into the body through feeling. Once we connect with the feeling letting our storylines go, simply pause and feel all over your body; up your back, down your front, all the way to your fingers and toes; Inhale, exhale and go about your day. The whole process with some practice takes about 10 seconds. Do you have 10 seconds to spare for reconnecting to your body which holds within it's makeup your ability to experience life with depth and in a healthy way?

Horny, like attraction, is very powerful and is a signal from the body that a potential mate may be right in front of you, but it can also serve another purpose which is far more subtle. While attraction generally requires the presence of another person, horny on the other hand often occurs without another soul around. We get horny in the morning, men really understand this one; we get horny when we are depressed or in a good mood, horny is triggered by visuals, and sometimes we are just horny. No matter why we are horny, with time and awareness we can start to see that the signal of horny is not only driven by the biological imperative to reproduce but also is a signal from the body that we need to feel our body. Feeling our body goes beyond masturbation or the pursuit of another person who can aid us in our feeling. Horny happens far to frequently for many of us to always be seeking relief through release. Feeling is a call from the body to integrate our intellect, our personality back into the vehicle. We live in a conditioned society which has prepared us for work and interaction with man's creation; which means our energy is frequently being directed outside ourselves. The body is experienced as separate when we are overly identified with the workings of the mind and our function within man's construct. The body is nature and its our connection to the bigger picture, our uplink to connecting will all that is. So when we feel horny simply go into feeling in the same way I described the process with attraction above, and allow this wonderful drip from our loins and higher glands to vibrate and nourish our organs and entire being. When repeated many times per day you will feel like the "master of your domain" and your relationship with all that you are will feel more integrated.

Peace, Akal 
For more information on how I can aid you on your path to wellness check out: Soma Arts