The Gold of Horny and Practical Attraction

I was married by the time I was 25 years old and during the time I was married I often felt very conflicted about attraction to others, men or women. The conflict was not about my confused sexual identity and my inability to choose a side but with attraction itself. I remember being told or having read it somewhere that even looking at another in a way which provoked sexual energy was cheating. Part of me knew this was untrue and that what actually matters is our behavior. I do believe many of us defend our visual hunt for ass as being biologically justified, but like so many things in life there is always an impact to our actions; our obsessive and unwanted gawking also needs to be done in moderation out of respect for others. Attraction is more than the hunt though; it is biological and it does trigger a cascade of chemicals in our bodies. As a culture we have a poor understanding of attraction and its true purpose. Some would say that we are not meant to be monogamous because if we were we would be able to shut off attraction when we are in a relationship, conversely many of those who are staunchly monogamous tend to believe cheating occurs on a vary broad spectrum from subtle (thoughts) to the gross (action).

So what are we to do? If we repress attraction then life in some ways will begin to feel very dull and the repression of this energy could also manifest issues around sex. If we express or act on our attractions in excess then our fucking around could have a number of negative consequences to both our relationships and personal health. The answer is understanding and recognition that we have a choice to act or not, to repress or not, which ultimately leads us to the third choice which is to use this provocation of our energy and biochemistry to nourish our being deeply.

When we make eye contact with someone whom we find attractive we experience a feeling. That feeling is triggered by a number of endocrine secretions including oxytocin, dopamine, testosterone... That feeling is also energy in motion and what we do with that energy will actually lead to internal friction or vitalization of our body. Some of us actually will begin negative self talk, which is a form of repression, thinking that we are too ugly or that we are somehow unworthy of another's attention and affection. Others of us will create elaborate fantasy or story around what the eye contact means further inflating our already ballooned ego with reflections on how hot and sexy we are. What I am suggesting you try instead is to first recognize your storyline regarding this eye contact, and secondly bring you energy back into the body through feeling. Once we connect with the feeling letting our storylines go, simply pause and feel all over your body; up your back, down your front, all the way to your fingers and toes; Inhale, exhale and go about your day. The whole process with some practice takes about 10 seconds. Do you have 10 seconds to spare for reconnecting to your body which holds within it's makeup your ability to experience life with depth and in a healthy way?

Horny, like attraction, is very powerful and is a signal from the body that a potential mate may be right in front of you, but it can also serve another purpose which is far more subtle. While attraction generally requires the presence of another person, horny on the other hand often occurs without another soul around. We get horny in the morning, men really understand this one; we get horny when we are depressed or in a good mood, horny is triggered by visuals, and sometimes we are just horny. No matter why we are horny, with time and awareness we can start to see that the signal of horny is not only driven by the biological imperative to reproduce but also is a signal from the body that we need to feel our body. Feeling our body goes beyond masturbation or the pursuit of another person who can aid us in our feeling. Horny happens far to frequently for many of us to always be seeking relief through release. Feeling is a call from the body to integrate our intellect, our personality back into the vehicle. We live in a conditioned society which has prepared us for work and interaction with man's creation; which means our energy is frequently being directed outside ourselves. The body is experienced as separate when we are overly identified with the workings of the mind and our function within man's construct. The body is nature and its our connection to the bigger picture, our uplink to connecting will all that is. So when we feel horny simply go into feeling in the same way I described the process with attraction above, and allow this wonderful drip from our loins and higher glands to vibrate and nourish our organs and entire being. When repeated many times per day you will feel like the "master of your domain" and your relationship with all that you are will feel more integrated.

Peace, Akal 
For more information on how I can aid you on your path to wellness check out: Soma Arts

The Sacred Pressure of Sensual Pleasure

The Pressure in Pleasure

Horny is a very powerful feeling which goads us to reproduce, it's a desire which drives the individual toward fulfillment; however as every man knows this is not a fulfillment which can ever be truly reached, as we are only sexually satisfied in the short term until horny visits once again. We are so conditioned to attach action to desire, horny rises and we seek a release of the pressure, which is of course fine. Men in particular are very uninformed or we simply don't acknowledge that something very potent occurs with ejaculation, there is a literal loss of energy, of life force; think about how your enthusiasm wanes post cum, this dynamic applies to women to a certain extent also. With every desire is a flow of energy and whether that energy flows externally depends on choice which can occur unconsciously or consciously. Every desire has e-motion (energy in motion) behind it, and this is what we are responding to and if we believe the fulfillment of this emotion/desire lies with something outside of us we lack clarity about the origin of the energy to begin with. In order for one to understand desire you must understand that the desire is rising from within. This pressure to act is motivating us to make a choice, however sometimes desire is so powerful we are unaware we even have a choice. Choice is where the power of the personality lies. If we make choices which are aware then those actions we commit ourselves to offer us greater fulfillment and potentially less over all energy loss. When energy flows externally through action this represents the "divine" masculine, and when the energy is brought back toward center through surrender and receptivity this represents the divine feminine; however it is presence itself cultivated through meditation which consolidates the flow of energy and represents the balance point or union of the masculine and feminine. We are out of balance as a culture, scattered as individuals due to the externalizing of energy. Take a moment and reflect on your average day; maybe it unfolds something like this: Wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, drive to work, work 9-5pm, go to the gym, shower, eat, watch TV or read, go to bed; notice how these are all activities which are mundane and all require the expenditure of energy. There is nothing inherently wrong with utilizing energy in this way. Even our most average of days represent a net expenditure of energy with no consolidation or processing of the events of the day. Whether or not we like it many of the worries or concerns of our days which go unresolved and continue to drain energy away from our center, away from our body and sabotaging the healing process.

Sexual Pleasure without Release

Often Westerners associate sex with Tantra, this stems from a misunderstanding. In Tantra sex is simply used as a technique to motivate the flow of energy. Once the energy is flowing the practitioner has an opportunity to center and feel this energy deeply. Once the practitioner is filled with sensuality, assuming there has been no ejaculation, he/she will feel much more at ease and comfortable in their own skin. Feeling embodied leads to the next progression which involves mediation. Practices which bring us closer to our bodies also connect us to nature and illuminate the fact that we too are nature. Closeness to nature is grounding and once our energy body is grounded we will experience less resistance in meditation. When embodied and present we are brave and are able to confront the deepest of emotional traumas in a transcendent way. Meditation is like taking out the trash. Think about Karma as causes without effects. In this life we move along a path from birth until death confronting the pleasures and challenges which rise for the sake of our Earthly education. As life moves toward us our causes are addressed and the effects unfold. When we meditate the patterns/Karma which exist within the psyche are slowly released and we are given the opportunity to allow and transcend what rises. Once the pattern has evolved our Karma has changed and we need not continue to unconsciously seek the fulfillment of the cause. It's through mediation and awareness that additional causes and effects are avoided leading us to the experience of ever increasing clarity. In summary all techniques associated with a spiritual path intend to create a movement of energy for the purpose of transcendence in mediation.

Self Pleasure as a Technique

There seems to be a lot of debate about the function of self pleasuring as it applies to ones spiritual path. When I was going through Kundalini Yoga teachers training the guru stated that masturbation was a "sick practice", and this sentiment is echoed by others on many Orthodox paths. In Yoga there is a left hand and a right hand path. The right hand path is the path of purity in which the student follows the instruction of the Teacher to exclude or abstain from overindulgence and the student regards the experience of the teacher as absolute. The left hand path is what I would consider Tantra, at least from a Western perspective; it is a path in which the individual's discernment is most highly valued, and choices are made to include sex, drugs, alcohol, etc as tools for facilitating the movement of energy. Both paths do require some degree of purification, even the left hand path sees the value of abstaining from certain tools for as long as needed so that the student may experience a contrast between a clean life and one in which intoxicants and pleasures are utilized as if on auto-pilot. Tantra is a sacred practice and all tools are utilized in a conscious and aware manner. The practice of making something sacred allows us to access the healing potential innate within any substance or practice. Smoking marijuana for example can be a means of escape or a way of accessing deeper awareness, it all depends on the approach. If you are just watching TV while stoned are you truly taking advantage of Marijuana's potentially healing properties?

With self pleasuring there is an opportunity, however one must be aware of the drawbacks to using masturbation as a technique. When a man ejaculates more is lost than simply semen, energy is also lost. Think about how you feel after you ejaculate? Many of us feel fatigue, hungry, want a smoke, etc..., and often we feel less like wanting to bond or be intimate, which can create a strain on relationships if the man is releasing to frequently. Keep in mind that any activity we choose to do will have either an additive effect or will subtract from our overall sense of well being. The vital energy released during ejaculation is potent healing energy and many men who indulge excessively can feel without purpose and generally foggy about what it is they are doing in life; also in the long term men who release excessively tend to get sick much more. When orthodox paths state that masturbation is depleting they are not making a clear distinction between ejaculation and orgasm, its just assumed all men are ejaculating. Orgasms are very healing if we know how to utilize the energy in a sacred way the practice can cultivate tremendous self pleasure and energize our cells granting us an elevated sense of well being. In order to take full advantage of this healing energy the release should be prevented by becoming aware of what your edge is and learning how to back off and circulate the energy which has been aroused.

The main obstacle many meditators face is the the body can become very uncomfortable or fear rises due to our ungrounded state of being. Keeping in mind that we exist in our own body's 24/7 from the moment of birth to the moment of death; so the most profound impact on our health comes from our relationship with ourselves. We are not victims of any illness, bacteria, virus, or accident; for example we internally create the environment for a bacteria to take hold and lead to illness, its not the bacteria that ultimately causes the dis-ease, its the individual. Even though meditation can be challenging at first, later, as we become more comfortable in our own skin, it transforms into a necessity just as eating is necessary. Any form of therapeutic touch, hypnosis, yoga, or any pleasure technique should lead us further down the path of self acceptance and once again greater comfort in one's own skin.

Another challenge when in comes to utilizing sexual energy in a healing way is our biological and conditioned drive for release. Part of this practice is recognizing that the energy for procreation is not only modeled after how the process of creation occurs in the universe but also how this creative energy permeates all facets of life and how we create and manifest in our own lives. Since many of us have been masturbating since we were 13yo the urge for release has exceeded a purely biological imperative and now also includes our behavioral patterns. I've heard so many reasons why men cannot exercise discipline in this area of life, for example, "I cannot go to sleep until I whack off" . The inability to sleep is what needs to be looked at instead of simply depleting life force in order to sleep. Why do we need to ejaculate in order to sleep? Because the release depletes our energy. Keep in mind this is the very same energy which motivates us to find the correct work and our own authentic expression. If you need sleeping pills or ejaculation to fall asleep you may also need to look at your work situation, is your work fulfilling? The more unsatisfying life feels to us the more we pursue distractions and pleasure, which can lead to continued complacency with our career choices. The pressure and desire for ejaculation is so intense and should not be looked at lightly. Remember your cum is capable of bringing life into the world, so this drive is at the heart of perpetuating humanities existence on Earth. As the bible and every other sacred text states that humanity has free will and the primary power we have collectively and individually is choice. Now how many of us have exercised choice in the area masturbation and wether to ejaculate or not? I suspect not many of us. So before you judge this essay as nonsense or spiritual high mindedness ask yourself if you have ever experienced the contrast in how you feel after not ejaculating for a month or so and your current unconscious practice? Finally, reflect for a moment on how you feel emotionally after you cum, do you feel like taking on the world, do you feel grounded and connected to spirit, do you feel energized, do you feel good about where you are in life?

Sacred self pleasuring is a practice which will cease to serve us in the long term. Ultimately through our enhanced sensitivity it becomes unnecessary to masturbate at all, and we gain access to primal or cool sexual energy circulation. High states of arousal generate heat, and to much heat can have a negative impact on ones heart and brain. When we learn to circulate the horny feeling throughout our being we energize and ground the body. Sacred masturbation is only a stepping stone to the ultimate self pleasure of our sensitivity to all life has to offer. A breeze can bring about bliss, the smell of a flower can be almost orgasmic, and so to can the horny feeling without all the mental attachment. Sex occurs both in the brain and genitals. A thought or visual can trigger a reaction in the genitals, which is the way many of us function when looking at porn or in fantasy; this is top down arousal. Top down arousal is very mentally activating and can lead to accelerated activity in the mind, which of course makes meditation even more difficult. Bottom up arousal is through the response to life, the response to a situation or person which has been presented to you for your evolution. Bottom up arousal is non forced, embodied, sensual and nourishing; it enlivens us, vitalizes our organ systems, and leaves us feeling more integrated and connected to ourselves and all creation. So when considering masturbation as a technique I feel its better to conjure sensuality from a place of low mental stimulation and high on physical sensation; so stimulate, rub your body, breath deep, don't ejaculate and feel your body vibrate with self love.

Find out how Akal can help you Physically, Emotionally, Mentally: