Tantric Partnerships, More than just a F___ Buddy

In a Tantric partnership, we attempt to cast off the conditioning of traditional relationship structures. What's interesting to note is I suspect most of humanity is unaware they even have a choice about how they approach relationships. A Tantric approach is centered around non attachment. In the USA today we are starting to see all sorts of different relationship styles, monogamy, polygamy, agreements based on benefits, power plays, etc... Tantra is an agreement based on non attachment for the purpose of cultivating the higher self. The tricky part is understanding this is all about awareness and that feelings will rise, expectations will rise, the feeling of attachment will occur, love will happen; however there are no hooks here. This is not about seduction, this is not about children, this is not about security, or getting our rocks off, this is about realizing we have traditionally moved in and out of relationship essentially on auto pilot. The non attachment of a Tantric union is really about what happens when awareness is present. When both parties are aware and are in agreement they will communicate and allow the energetic conditioning of the other to move our energy in a productive manner so growth can occur. The attachment which is unavoidable occurs at the level of the Aura. The phrase that often rises when two people get all hot and heavy and decide to make a go of it is "you complete me". This statement is in many ways is very accurate. There are electromagnetics at play, it's a genetic imperative, a pressure. When sexual energy moves it will bulldoze through our illusions, and if we are meditative we can use this opportunity to clear our nervous systems. With all that rises it is important for us to witness and realize it's unnecessary to do anything with the thought or emotion. We cannot pick and choose what comes to the surface, the subconscious allows for a trickle to surface from the ocean of impressions lying beneath the conscious mind; positive or negative it's all simply witnessed.

Humanity is becoming more sensitive and more distracted at the same time. When you look at the mental health industry it clearly indicates a change is occurring. We are not informed about the tools available which can aid us in handling in a balanced way the new frequency present on Earth today. We are absolutely lost in the distractions, we lack the understanding that the over abundance of pleasure seeking, the responsibilities of ownership and generally being enchanted by the intellect has increased the pressure we are feeling to seek balance. We seek balance through medication, illicit drugs, sex, food, psychologist and teachers, we desperately hope that the next relationship will be "the one", and we hope that the next job will quell the or desperation for security. Humanity is at its core reactive, we respond to the vibrations moving through us which we identify as depression, anxiety, anger etc... and we seek relief by some external means. The solution to our suffering lies within, it is rooted in the ownership that no matter what pushed our button we have the responsibility the accept that which we are experiencing as ours. Taking ownership of the disturbance we are experiencing grants us distance from our reactivity which can lead to conflict; the simple act of witnessing allows us to connect at the point of vibration, at the primal level of the emotion or thought; our choice is to respond or not, again how many of us did not realize we had a choice in the first place. As we witness we essentially unplug the power source which is fueled by our identification with the state or attribute.

Human relationships sure can be complicated! When we are single some of us are almost desperate for a relationship or sex, and when we are in a relationship it becomes difficult in the long term to maintain the heat which was present during the early days. We cheat, we hurt, we lie, and we have no idea why, which is what makes all this very challenging. All the drama which comes up between couples and all the desperation for singles is happening because we don't realize we have options. We can try to do better which often doesn't work because what we are actually dealing with are hard wired patterns in our endocrine and nervous systems. These patterns are the product of nature as well as our relationship history. We spend large sums of money with therapists trying to find a way to reset our relationship patterns, however during the process we still want connection. The cascade of chemicals which trigger our desire for sex and connection simply doesn't go away even if we will it to. Let's assume we could will our hormones into not being quite so loud, then we might possibly experience depression as result and we might even turn to alternative stimulants to feel a little more alive. When we are attracted we experience a surge in Dopamine which is also the very same chemical that plummets after orgasm. Dopamine, a feel good chemical is associated with the reward system of the brain and many of us due to our chronic release of sexual energy are on a emotional roller coaster. If you don't believe me reflect for a minute about what happen after you ejaculate, "pre-cum" vs "post-cum" are very different states of being.

Tantra and Yoga are shamanic systems and pagan systems designed to help humanity find the GOD (Generate Organize Destroy) which dwells within and which is continuous with all creation. Our brains are designed to find pattern, how its directed will  determine whether that pattern brings harmony or dysphoria; natures cycles are knowledge just like how we think about knowledge, cycles and rhythms help align us (our personality) to our internal rhythms...moods. When we turn inward in a conscious witnessing manner we being to serve our other half, the feminine half which is associated with surrender and acts as the opposite to the masculine or external sensory focus and action. Please don't think of the dualistic energies of creation in a literal way, the use of gender as a descriptive only acts to illuminate the fact that we are indeed dealing with two separate forces within the whole of creation. Tantra means simply Union, all of its techniques, including sex, are not Tantra but simply powerful movers of energy.

Sex as a Tantric technique is both symbolic of the union of polarities (men and woman contain both polarities already) and a way in which we can begin to pressurize the energy of the lower chakras up the spine. Tantric sex is a form of sexual alchemy in which we surrender to the powerful pressure created and allow the dormant energy located at the base of our body to be transformed as it moves upward essentially turning lead (1st chakra) into gold (7th chakra). This is an intense process that many of us are simply not prepared for. Turning lead into gold involves the dissolution of our identity which can be quite scary. So preparations are needed before hand. Those interested in experiencing awakening through Tantric sexual union should have completed some amount of physical and mental cleansing. I'm not trying to make this process sound ominous, however if one has not followed any preliminary Yogic or Tantric practices discomfort will occur, including such experiences as rapid heart beat, erratic breathing, feelings of loosing control and insanity. Assuming one has prepared thoroughly it doesn't mean that you jump into sex and amazing things happen. Its helpful that both individuals involved are in a committed relationship; just keep in mind that the connection between both people is what drives the fire of a Tantric Union, this means that both live as spiritually cultivated individuals. Ask yourself, because it will determine how open you are to this process: Am I ready for this Union, this relationship, and have I cultivated a good relationship with myself first? Its about two individuals coming together and creating a mutually satisfying relationship. There are protocols to follow which guarantee both individuals involved are comfortable, open and free of encumbrances.

 A sample Tantric sex protocol might entail: kissing and caressing for first hour, and this is after centering through alternate nostril breathing, bandha (yogic locks), yogic movements, mantra, gazing at candle flame, gazing with partner with left palm up and right palm down (venus kriya), conjuring gratitude as an expression of self love/love of all creation, accessing universal knowledge inhaling SO exhaling HUNG, elemental visualization, meditation. The genitals aren't even touched for the first two hours!!!

This is an amazing video about how the Bible is very much a template for energetic/spiritual ascension, and how sexual energy plays a pivotal role in the activation of our "higher" centers of awareness.

Energetic Mechanics of Union and Agreements for the Practice

We know there is a construct, or mechanics, involved when we speak of why people are together because the language humanity universally uses to describe the attraction experience "opposites attract" or " like likes like". Either we enter into a union in which sparks fly, or we simply feel comfortable with the other. In our youth we often prefer the sparks to fly because this is the mating call, the call to diversify our genetics; often as we mature and sex becomes less important we tend to gravitate toward what makes us feel comfortable. The process really is about learning, its about learning who we are and avoiding the pitfalls of trying to become what we are not. Humanity is constantly responding to various pushes and pulls between individuals or groups. Our expression to the world is molded in a number of ways. For better or worse we are cultivated by systems our cult-ure has agreed upon and we are often deeply conditioned by our friends and family. Other factors that may influence who we think we are and what we express to the world include entertainment, media, porn, religion and more subtly collective consciousness. What gets blurred with all this conditioning is who we actually are as individuals and what relationships are "supposed" to look like. What is it we are actually drawn to, and why is it that we are often attracted to the same attributes or qualities in a person over and over again? Many of us make the mistake of judging who we want to connect with based on a number of superficial and conditioned expectations and parameters, leading to us not always making the correct energetic choice. Our check lists are misleading, we need a simpler way of determining attraction. If we pay attention to our inner authority, our body, we will begin to feel the various pushes and pulls which are present when we meet someone. Our attractions are our guides directing us toward those people and situations which allow us to progress spiritually by aiding us in the release of patterns and further opening us up to universal knowledge. When we are attracted to someone we are simply witnessing the cascade of chemicals triggered by the knitting of our energy bodies; attraction occurs first on a subtle level then we experience a more visceral response from the body. The construct of our mental-emotional field determines our attractions along with conditioning from our past, in essence relationships are a powerful way of working through Karma.

Electromagnetism of love and hate is what we are responding to when we connect with the other. When we are engaging in a traditional relationship we must remember what we are loving in not universal Love but the love of attributes, the love of how someone makes us feel; on the flip side we also can hate some aspect of the other person because there are always aspects about the other person which we may not 'get'. The path here once again is toward acceptance; we simply must accept the other person for who they are and any attempt to change that person is an affront to the other and a statement the they can be a better person if they heed this outer Authority. Connections are made motivated by a number of different energetic signals. A connection can be practical, intellectual, familiar, sexual or just something??? The connection cultivated during a Tantric practice does not need to be sexual. The transference of energy between two individuals occurs as long as a connection is cultivated in a accepting and meditative manner. Tantric practices can be deeply elaborate involving sex or it can be as simple as gazing into each others eyes. Presence is love, and love is not a hook. Cultivate presence and you will love the other and love yourself. Choose your relationship structure, create an agreement and remember the term "relationship" simply means time spent.

One of the most neglected and yet not understood, or pursued, understandings is the necessity for one to love themselves before they can fully love another. Much of the chaos in relationships stems from people being ignorant about the nature of the emotions which rise up in the presence of another. If I get angry it's because that button was pushed in me and the anger was already preexisting, and not necessarily caused by the other person. It's very easy to blame others for what we are experiencing, and perhaps this is an "advanced" spiritual understanding; however we must understand the provocation of the emotion isn't a problem but an opportunity for grace and transcendence. The emotion rises within, meaning it's the experiencer's opportunity to learn about it. We cannot control what others do to us however we certainly have a choice how we are responding to the button push. Sensitivity is the only way we can correctly determine how to respond to strife within a relationship, and sensitivity is cultivated individually and through an aware relationship with oneself. There are many opportunities to develop our center and to overcome repressed pain. Yoga, mediation, and a Tantric relationship are all ways in which we progressively become more comfortable in our own skin. In a Tantric partnership we can expect button pushing just as in a conventional approach except with one fundamental difference, the individual is aware the source of the emotion is themselves. This is a gift, two cultivated people coming together in a union with the intention of furthering each others spiritual progress through the release of stuck patterns. What this means on a fundamental level is each individual in a partnership is functioning as themselves; they are living their life directed by their own inner authority, which brings about the supreme awareness of functioning correctly within the flow.

Tantra is about the discovery of our individuality through a process in which we connect with deeper aspects of ourselves often facilitated by a mutually beneficial partnered practice. Some important points too remember before embarking on this path:
1. The relationship is based upon agreements. This is a non-manipulative approach and hence there are no secrets or hidden agendas. An agreement is designed which will allow both to experience the connection fully without the fear that the other will breach an unspoken boundary. If both partners agree to penetration, then so be it; if both agree there will be no kissing, then so be it; if both agree that oral is as far as it goes then this must be respected. The agreement can be revised as the Tantric partnership progresses.
2. This is a partnership which is intended to heal the individual through a practice rooted in non attachment. Non attachment means that we must not project jealously, expectations, social obligations, possessiveness onto our partner. Each individual is given their autonomy after the practice is over, if this is part of the agreement. We may feel attachment, which is fine, simply witness your pattern and communicate what you are experiencing. This is a practice devoid of hooks which might lead to resentment.
3. Communication lines must be open. This is a path which will activate our energetic body on a very deep level triggering the release of all sorts of rubbish associated with our past. As partners we must communicate what we are experiencing and allow the feelings without repression.
4. What if I fall in Love? Love is the point! You will fall in Love, however this love is for you as it is being cultivated within you. The connection this partnership facilitates is very much about experiencing a non-sticky love; a love born out of the Universe and flowing through you for you and to be shared with others without expecting anything in return.
5. This is a Therapeutic practice. Through a Tantric practice we will feel progressively more comfortable in our own skin as we let go of our conditioning and ride the wave of fell good chemicals coming into a balanced state.
6. There are no peak orgasms. As soon as we cum we often feel a relief from the pressure, however we also loose the depth of bond which we cultivated during the session. When a man ejaculates he releases the progress which has been made; remember the pressure is the point! Also, when we release our sexual energy we often experience a hangover of sorts, and a creative decline.

If the the previous explanation was over your head or simply not interesting then consider this. A friend of mine recent broke up with his girl friend of six years, his reasoning was because it lacked the sizzle the relationship once had. I have heard this so many times from men, they complain about the drudgery of having sex with the same woman for years, or they make comments about how awesome it would be to have sex with other women. So why is it we loose interest in our mates? Lets look at this both short term and long term. In the short term after a man has an orgasm he looses interest in sex and becomes more interested in recovery through sleep, eating, or being left alone. The reason there is a need for recovery is because the ejaculation event is actually considerably more impact-ful on the body than just being a simple release. Even though we often only experience ejaculation as a release of tension this is a major nervous system event involving numerous secretion from the endocrine system and a adaptation event for the reward center of the brain. In drug addicts the difficulty in escaping the addiction is linked in many ways to the tremendous high and low caused drug, the high is welcomed but the low is dreaded and unpleasant; nobody likes the low which must follow the high, so often the strategy is to continue to self medicate as a way of avoiding the low. When it comes to sex/masturbation we are once again seeking the reward of the high, the sensual sticky build up prior to orgasm. Once we reach the orgasm then the low must follow and the reward center of the brain starts on the path toward normalization. It's actually been shown that a man's brain is essentially dumbed down after orgasm, which makes sense when you consider the ejaculation event being similar to a pendulum. As a pendulum swings it will reach a peak in the swing two times during one swing, the beginning and the end, a swing to the right always must lead to a swing to the left, this is natural law. Humans are a cocky sort, we think natural law does not apply to us, however research clearly indicates that the peak we experience during the build up phase creating a huge amount of activity in the brain so it necessarily follows that there will be a low http://scienceblogs.com/purepedantry/2007/04/10/ejaculation-turns-off-mens-bra/ . Now consider how many times your nervous system gets jerked around every time you jerk off or have sex. Over the long term you have a larger pendulum swing which mirrors the smaller pendulum swing. We have chronically ejaculated ourselves into a position of never being able to reach our true cognitive potential, and true depth in our relationships.

For men and women one of the major challenges in cultivating a deeper relationship is about abstaining from a peek orgasm experience. For men in particular this is a huge challenge. The biochemistry of orgasm has been well documented, however science, while busy measuring the chemicals involved, has neglected to report much about the experiential side of what occurs after peek orgasm.

If you can measure it biochemically or bio-electricly, keep in mind there is also an experience associated with the occurrence. Most changes in the body happen in a slow way, so the experience is sometimes missed. The cultivation of sensitivity allows us to know when something is off. It's through the practice of various awareness techniques one's awareness over time is sharpened. Sensitivity is a double edged sword at least in the early stages of a practice such as Yoga; as our sensory system is sharpened we are given the opportunity to witness all that has been ignored in the past, however as we progress through any repressed pain/fear we begin to move toward bliss. Pain/fear/suffering are valuable tools for learning and for protecting us from emotions which we are not yet ready to experience fully. The nervous system is like a time machine, it can take us on a journey into our past or into the future based on our beliefs. Experiences which have not been fully looked at will continue to resonate until awareness frees the vibration and allows for a transition to a higher frequency. This transition is not a forced practice. Techniques can be used to get our energy moving and once it is in motion the volume gets turned up, however once a vibration which is stuck in time is able to be witnessed the practice shifts into the realm of the divine feminine and surrender. It's necessary that we transition from a place of doing to a place of surrender, then to balance; because the limiting factor on our path toward clarity is the conscious mind and all it's doing along with the willingness to witness our suffering/pain/fear.

Acceptance and surrender can only occur when we are operating as ourselves. Individuals directed by their own inner authority are able to be with another in an accepting way, and we are able to decide what we are willing to put up with. The acceptance and surrender which occurs during a Tantric union is a conditioning microcosm of the bigger picture of surrender to infinity/god/universe as it flows though our form. Surrender to flow and acceptance of all that rises in the moment as truth for this moment only. For truth to be realized, we must understand it lies in the present moment, is dependent on our clarity, involves non fixation on our past and our future, trust that the human experience is to be calibrated to love/joy as we move through suffering/pain/fear, and faith there is more we do not understand than what we do.

For guidance on any matter related to your mental, physical and spiritual well being contact Akal: somaarts1@gmail.com 

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  2. After reading for the past few months,I believe tantra can help me with over 50 years of suffering.
    Traditional medical and psychological treatment has been ineffective.

  3. What type of individual tantra sessions do you offer and what are your rates?