UTP2: The Shaming of the Male Mojo

In middle school growing up in Alliance, Ohio I used to walk to school everyday. On my daily walk I usually crossed a large field and into a narrow patch of woods which stood as a buffer between the field and the College next to it. Sometimes when crossing through the woods I would discover items which a young person really has no business being in contact with such as used condoms, cigarettes, porn, and beer. These taboo objects were very attractive to me not because as a sixth grader I had any idea how and what they were good for but because of the cultural conditioning which deemed these things taboo particularly for a boy my age. Interestingly, anytime I came across fodder for adult good times I always felt a sense of sexual excitement. One day I found a few cans of beer which were no doubt stashed there by some college students who were most likely under the drinking age. Upon finding the beer I felt an immediate sexual arousal, and I of course did not recognize as sexual, which prompted me to open one of these tepid beers to have a taste. I of course thought the lukewarm beer was awful tasting, so I dumped the rest out and then I went on with my day. At the time of this experience I had no clue why it felt sexual, however later in life when I reflected on this experience it did trigger some confusion. How could something non sexual feel sexual?

In Astrology there are certain placements in one's natal chart that point to particular tendencies, and in my case I have a couple different placements which scream "deviant" and by deviant I mean to deviate from cultural norms. These chart placements incline me towards attractions to the occult, the sexual, what's hidden, and investigation... other words a desire to understand what's taboo. I am capable of imagining and understanding almost anything sexually so in a away I'm kind of a sexual empath. My mind likes to go down some pretty uncomfortable rabbit holes and I am always drawn to go where society says no. One of the benefits of Mediation, which I have now been doing for 20 years, is that it allows me to objectively experience all types of sexual acts without the need to actually act out; however this reveals a reoccurring conflict I have with the moral compass of the culture I/we live in. The contractions I felt in the past were largely repressed which meant the taboo would once again rise into my mind seeking a resolution. In my early twenties I tended to act out my fantasies which generally led to lots of unfulfilling sexual exploits and more confusion as to why these scenes continued playing out in my psyche. My sexual mental contortions continued even after I decided acting out wasn't for me, and unfortunately I developed shame about the thoughts which would pop into my head. As my meditation practice deepened I realized a very fundamental principle about the nature of preferences; in meditation we must accept all that rises, good or bad and simply be present with the objects of our perception no matter how disturbing because the repression of a thought or emotion simply feeds energy to the pattern being played out and any expression of the fantasy might lead to a regretful action.

Humans have the innate desire to fit in as we are social creatures. When we don't feel like we fit in or we are looked upon as being a deviant, men in particular, have a tendency to isolate which can lead to bigger issues and depression. When a man is isolated he is missing out on the surge in hormones which make us feel good when we connect in even the most innocent of ways. When we are connected in social ways we experience increases in various chemicals such as dopamine, prolactin, oxytocin to name a few. These chemicals make us feel satisfied in some way which beckons us to repeat the behavior. When shaming occurs we want to curl up into a ball and withdraw from contact which works to our detriment.

It's been said that men are 'obsessed with sex', 'think with their little head', 'are blinded by their hormones' etc... Much of these generalizations are at times very true, however the judgment connected to these beliefs are largely viewed in a negative light. Perceiving male sexual energy or fixation as a bad thing creates within the man a shame and that shame distorts how his life force flows. The Daoists say that men and women have very different strengths. A man's strength is his sexual energy, or another way to look at it is his creative drive. Attacking what's innate in males, our sex drive, as being toxic and the cause of social ruin is tantamount to cultures which attempt to "guide"or control the behavior of the adherents of a particular faith or religion through guilt or fear if there is a misstep or deviation from the core tenants of the faith. The power of shame and guilt to control individuals is known and has been measured by researcher Dr. David R. Hawkins in his book Power VS Force. In Power Vs Force Hawkins used Muscle Kinesiology or Muscle Testing as a way to measure the the amount of energy certain emotions make available for living life. He found that on a scale of 0 (dead) to 1000 (total enlightenment) that shame scored at 20 and was the emotion which scored closets to death with guilt being a close second scoring a 30. Anyone who has harbored these emotions consciously would concur there is a depression of one's life force when we are in shame.

Men in general, because we are all connected collectively, are shouldering the brunt of the shaming with certain groups being particular ripe for attack. Individually and collectively men now must acquire the tools to forgive themselves and others as being the victim is of no true benefit. Fortunately, the authoritarian and knee jerk nature of the shamers is no longer an aspect of a larger dictatorial arm of a religion or totalitarian governing body; meaning that the shame will come and go as fast as news cycles come and go, or cultural trends wax and wane.

When looking through the perceptual lens of a cultural anthropologist at the current cultural hot button subject of "toxic masculinity" you might see the trappings of a pattern that has been repeated over and over again in many different cultures and in many different ways. The current version of culturally shaming fits right into the cultural anthologist's understanding of the Shame-Guilt-Fear spectrum...

"In a guilt society, control is maintained by creating and continually reinforcing the feeling of guilt (and the expectation of punishment now or in the afterlife) for certain condemned behaviors. The guilt-innocence world view focuses on law and punishment. A person in this type of culture may ask, "Is my behavior fair or unfair?... "This type of culture also emphasizes individual conscience " - Wikipedia

Much of the current cultural shame complex is being played out over social media and in the media in general. I feel that the current system of shaming is now very much part of the digital ecosystem we are all learning to deal with. The good thing about this system is that misdeeds are exposed more broadly and at a faster rate which in theory should lead to quicker transformations and reform. In my ideal world there is no reason to shame, but insulating ourselves from shaming does no good because anytime you censor or play the victim card you are essentially delaying the inevitable. Shame is an opportunity for spiritual growth if the individual can perceive the trap of identifying as the victim and can make honest attempts at forgiveness of the self and the other. An individual can repress certain memories and emotions in favor of being busy or for more positive vibes, however this does not erase the existence of the folly in our nervous system or magnetic field and it will drain the body of life force in some way unless acceptance and forgiveness are utilized to further personal evolution.

 The idea of what a victim is in our culture usually looks only at the one who was assaulted. The definition of what a victim now must be more broadly defined. In most systems of belief the victim is the one being attacked, and in some philosophies the victim is defined as being a group or individual with less power, or the ones who must submit to the will of another group or individual. I now propose that the so called victimizers can now also be perceived as victims in some cases. Shame is now used in expedited ways as a weapon to demean certain ideologies in favor of what has been deemed a more 'appropriate' ideology. Historically this was what also occurred in even the most appalling cultures, such as the Nazi's, but also in those cultures which are perceived as more humane such as the Nordic socialist model of shaming those who speak out against what they perceive as rampant immigration in favor of diversifying the populace. Now there are many individuals who are victims of undue shamming for political reasons, cultural morals or elitist world views so it's even easier to falsely accuse and shame individuals without doing the due diligence necessary to hash out the true details of the incident in question. When the media operates on emotion and impulse in an effort to create 'clicks' and ad dollars it leads to new kind of assault and a new set of victims of false shaming.

Since Shame is often used as a weapon I suspect that we will be seeing more of it in the near future, and because of this I feel it's vitally important that we also learn how to transform shame into acceptance, otherwise it could spiral into rage. This is a simple practice, and one which I feel is worth repeating. Since this essay is largely about sexual shame the following instructions will be suitable for shifting and purifying sexual energy. Please be open to the idea that any sexual fixation or fantasy may actually have nothing to do with sex and that the sexual feeling is simply an indication the energy associated with thought is moving through the area of our energy body associated with sex; which is why it's so vital to connect with the the feeling and to be aware of the inner dialog.

1. Think of some aspect of your sexual expression you feel shame about, or remember a time when your sexual advances were not welcomed. This conjuring should be vivid as possible utilizing all your senses. Other than the visual aspect of the mental image was or is there a smell associated... were there or are there sounds... perhaps there is even a taste that forms in your mouth... where in your body do you feel this scene???
2. Now direct your awareness toward your body. Is there an area of the body which seems to have more sensations? Now go deep into feeling and simply allow the thoughts to rise without engaging... connect with this place or places for at least one minute.
3. Now continue to stay present with the body and its sensations. Now cup your genitals... left hand at the testicles and the right cupping the penis from above. Smile deeply into your testicles. 1min... Inhale then exhale
4. Left hand remains at testicles and the right goes to the heart center (the middle of the sternum). Inner smile into your body in general. 45 sec- 1 min. Inhale then exhale
5. Both hands back to testicles.... inner smile into testicles. 45 sec- 1 min.  Inhale then exhale
6. Left hand testicles, right hand heart center. Inner smile generally. 45 sec- 1 min. Inhale then exhale
7. Both hands at heart center; Right over left... smile at the center of the sternum feeling the surface of the skin there. Repeat in your mind "I forgive myself or the other (if the shame is coming from another),  and I accept my thoughts and past actions as part of my growth." at least 5 times
8. Inhale and retain the breath for five-ten seconds, exhale retain out 5-10 seconds... two times. Inhale and clap your hands together over the head.
 9. Now go about your day

- You may need to repeat this process in order for the effect to be long term. Keep in mind it takes 40 days for our nervous systems to take on a new pattern.

Thank you All,

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Unpacking the Penis 1; Vulnerability

When I was in middle school like most young people I had not cultivated control over my speech and it's this lack of filter that created a scene in which I would have the opportunity to experience some of the greatest acute pain I have ever endured. I don't recall what I said to trigger a female student to momentarily despise me enough to cause me harm, but I'm certain it was somewhat deserved. Women really don't understand just how sensitive the testicles are and as men we go to great lengths to protect them. In sports men must where cups, and ask any man who has ever been struck in his manhood about the trauma and his face will absolutely contort and wince. On that day in middle school after blurting out some unwelcome nonsense the female student cocked her leg back as if to kick a soccer ball and unloaded, with her pointy ass shoes, an attack right into my boys. I collapsed knees first cupping my manhood and gasping for air. I rolled on the floor like a pendulum for a good ten minutes unable to even scream or breath. After I managed to stand I hobbled to the bathroom to have a look, and I'll just say this.. there was more than a little swelling. As much as the insecure adolescent in me wanted a bigger penis this was not the way to achieve it. If I recall correctly I think it took about two weeks before my penis once again looked and felt normal.

I feel there is little in a man's life that scares him more than physical threats to his manhood. I've always felt it was God's little joke that men have external genitalia as it seems to humble men and keep us from being to reckless in fear that harm might come to our little man. A man's primary motive force in life is his sexual energy. I'm not suggesting it's sex that's motivating him, even though this is often true, what I am suggesting is that sexual energy is a base or format energy that determines the quality of all life force as it differentiates through the Human Chakra system. Think of sexual energy as the base of the pillars holding up a porch on a house; if you remove the bottom of the pillar the porch will collapse eventually. As an example I will walk on a well beaten path and talk about ejaculation. Many Tantra, Daoist, or Yoga gurus often say that a man looses his root when he ejaculates. This is a rather cryptic comment unless you understand human energy dynamics and the physiological process of enlightenment; which I will cover in blogs to come. In essence what these cultivated individuals are saying is that the process of enlightenment, the path toward wholeness, is all about pressure and it's the very same pressure the man is responding to when he decides he must expel his sperm. The problem is that unlike typical animals the human animal mates when he feels like it or has the opportunity and in modern times this means anytime he is aroused which is seemingly always because of the proliferation of eye candy and porn all over the Internet he can masturbate away the pressure.  Now more than ever men are being challenged by their sexual choices and that challenge is to discharge or not, to have sex or not, to fill ones mind with sexual images or not; and these choices will go a long way in determining how healthy he is both physically and mentally. The very same energy you release when you cum is the energy needed for clear thought, for a strong immune response, for digestion, for exercise, for feeling connected to other humans, for compassion, for more intense spiritual woo woo, etc... Other words, when the Gurus say a man looses his "root" what they are saying is that his interest and feeling of connection with his body diminishes post ejaculation. A man with a full sexual charge is in a heightened state, one that can link him deeply to his body and the sensations it offers. It's this very same self sensual energy which can be redirected, or transmuted, to supply the necessary pressure for him to access other supra-sensory realms of reality such as visions. Overall, how a man treats his body in general will determine how good he feels in his own skin.

A man's vulnerability is not always easy to see because we often compensate with busyness, machismo, or self righteousness. Ways he is vulnerable... include discharge (weakening), sexual images can manipulate his sex drive unconsciously, cultural belief in circumcision and simply possessing external genitalia.  I've already talked a bit about the impact of ejaculation so now I will look at a man's anatomy and the impact external genitalia might have on men physically, emotionally and mentally. The fundamental purpose of the penis and testicles being external has to do with temperature regulation. I'm sure many of you have witnessed how the testicles with rise pulling closer to the body and fall, however many of us have not considered the significance and instead take this life perpetuating feat for granted. When the testicles pull closer to the body it is to warm the sperm and when they droop its to cool the sperm. For sperm to remain viable they must stay about 39.2 degrees F, however on the cooler end of the scale the sperm motility (movement) is lessened considerably meaning that that pathway to the females ovaries is going to seem like a long one. It's been found that the best temperature for sperm to do their work and maintain both viability and motility is at 1-2 degrees F under the body's core temperature of 98.6 degrees F, hence the need for balls that hang outside the core of the body, which unfortunately leaves him vulnerable to accidents or attacks to his manhood.

Circumcision is a very odd practice in my opinion. This archaic practice began thousands of years ago for the purposes of 'Hygiene". I'm not buying it! According to the Mayo Clinic "circumcision makes it easier for a boy to wash his penis" which is an incredibly lame reason to take a knife to a child's genitals. This inhumane act, similar to the clitoridectomy, which most of the world decries as barbaric, is the removal of the child's foreskin which just so happens to contain many nerve endings. My less than thorough research into the reasons why circumcision occurs led mostly well established medical reasoning and shallow religious motives. Looking at the big picture circumcision may actually be inflicting trauma, altering endocrine functioning, and changing how men approach sex. When the foreskin is removed nerves are also removed which not only changes the sensitivity of the penis but also exposes the most sensitive part of the penis to its environment more directly. I found studies which stated that men who have been circumcised have more sexual partners, masturbate more frequently, and even use condoms less frequently (https://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/for-professionals/sexual-impact/). If men are behaving in a more sexual way how might this affect his life force, his feelings of embodiment, and his access to spiritual experiences? As I have previously stated, if a man is discharging his sexual energy too frequently it will have a negative impact on his well being and ability to reach higher spiritual states. So if it is indeed true that circumcised men are more sloppy with their sexual energy then I will take the conspiratorial route and say that the true occult reason for this practice is to reduce a man's sexual pleasure and drive him toward excess sexual discharge and novelty which weakens the man's mind and a weak mind is a more easily controlled mind. There is also some evidence that circumcised men have a form of PTSD that uncircumcised men do not. Personally, when working with a energy healer I received a circumcision healing which, much to my surprise, was felt very deeply for about a week after. I noticed a number of results from this healing including tingling sensations for about two days where my foreskin once was and less physical tension in my genital area. Regardless of how you feel about this procedure keep this fact in mind... nerves are connected to the entire man hence the whole man is impacted mentally, emotionally, and physically; they are intertwined through our whole being, through our central nervous system and hence our endocrine system... there is bound to be a cascade of subtle impacts which affect the whole man.

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Premature Ejaculation, Hyper Sensitivity, and The Deep Let Down

Over a quarter of all men report they experience episodes of premature ejaculation; I think women would report that number being much higher. Premature ejaculation (PE) is often characterized as a man's inability to control his ejaculation before both partners are satisfied. The time frame is a little difficult to pin down, but most of the surveys I looked at consider it to be about two minutes prior to or after penetration. I would argue the real time frame is more subjective and has to do with the enjoyment of both parties involved. Any release prior to both parties being satisfied feels premature, or if a man is on the edge of ejaculation the whole time he is making love this takes away from his satisfaction as well. Satisfaction is not just about cumming... and not to be too cliche'... it's about the journey as well. Let's not get to caught up on how long a man can last or what the clinical definition is and instead simply look at what the issue is, how it affects the sufferer(s), and what can be done to address the challenge.

                                       Video on Premature Ejaculation and Some Solutions 

PE is difficult for everyone involved. Consider for a moment the reality that there are differences between the sexes... I know there are social justice warriors out there are convinced there are no gender variations... however, the majority of us do understand, sexually speaking, that women and men are very different. Men are capable, when driven by blind lust, to be very self serving sexually, and we forget that it takes longer for a woman, and for many men as well, to be ready for penetration/sexual activity. The Daoists, and pretty much every ancient spiritual system, state a man's strength or drive lies in his sexual energy with his heart needing time to open; for a woman her strength lies in the heart with readiness in her genitals coming around slower. A typical sexual encounter according to Dr. Harry Fisch lasts only 7.3 minutes, with about half of all men finishing within 2 minutes... makes me wonder how this impacts our collective male mojo? Possible causes include: Physical reasons... urethritis, prostatitis, hyperthyroidism, erectile dysfunction, obesity; Psychological reasons... relationship problems, performance anxiety, female partner who has difficulty with orgasm, body image issues, or low self esteem. Regardless of the cause there are many actions a man can take to increase his staying power that have nothing to do with stopping ejaculation or applying a desensitizing cream. 

My Tantra teacher once stated that she believed that men ejaculate to quickly because we condition ourselves through our masturbation practice, which started in our teens while sneaking in a session quickly so that we would not be discovered. This is one plausible cause. Personally I have found that often when a man cums to quickly it was because he was over aroused and hyper attuned to his own sensation. So whether the cause is physical, related to our masturbation practice, or hypersensitivity here are some tips which might aid in augmenting this condition.

1. Pelvic floor work- This suggestion I feel every man should do regardless if he suffers from PE or not. Working the muscles along our pelvic floor is extremely important even if for no other reason than you don't want to leave the world the way you came into it... wearing diapers. Working the pelvic floor muscles not only tones the muscles but it also cultivates the nervous system in that area. When we feel fully connected to our pelvic floor we will also feel more comfortable in our own body. The more attuned to our physicality we are the more we are aware of the pressure that ejaculation creates. I do not suggest a man do pelvic floor work during sex in order to stop discharge as this will shift his focus back onto himself, which is the issue as hypersensitivity is the problem in the first place; instead I suggest that he know when he is about to cum and simply pause all the activity once he can sense that pressure becoming to much. How to do the practice: Inhale, contract your anus, then perineum, genitals, then pull in the navel... and as you increase the magnitude of the contraction exhale and hold for about 5 seconds... then relax, inhale and repeat. In yoga this is a very important maneuver and is called mula bandha or root lock.

2. Change your approach. Most men approach sex in a hot way. We get all steamed up, anxious to get to it, and once we are inside we get overwhelmed by the intensity and sensation... 7 minutes later sploosh and it's all over. I can almost guarantee that without adequate foreplay she didn't experience much pleasure with this approach and forget about her having an orgasm. If a man is hypersensitive or anxious slowing down and redirecting his focus is the best thing he can do. Focus on her pleasure and keep in mind her whole body needs attention, not just the juicy bits. Try massaging her first, gentle kisses all over, connecting with her through eye contact, breathing together, then move onto the sexier parts, and finally after much time has passed your nervous energy should be dissipated. Your arousal should now be cooled, and she will more likely will be ready for penetration. With this approach even if you only have intercourse for 5 minutes, she will be much more satisfied because she feels connected and her whole body has been touched. This is a fundamental approach one should work on if you are interested in Tantric Sex.

Helpful links:
Hot vs Cool arousal
Nature of Sexual Energy/Desire 

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Sexual Energy: Hot vs Cool Arousal

When I was about 13 years old I came across my Father's dirty magazine collection... I guess it wasn't as innocent as coming across this content, it was more like I was snooping and happened upon them. I still remember the feeling I experienced upon finding the magazines filled with the images of beautiful women who had cast their shame aside and donned not a thing man made. I was overwhelmed with a intense flush of energy, a hot radiance began to coarse through me and my skin seemed to catch fire, my heart began to beat fast and my breath rate tripled. This is power, it's the power of sexual energy and the power that many women have long forgot they have. This was a hot sexual energy reaction.

The intensity of hot sexual energy is very seductive, because we as humans and Westerners in general enjoy experiences, drugs, foods, etc that have an intense impact. Does intense mean that it is good or better? The answer to this is... it depends. Take the example of Pharmaceuticals. Long before Rockefeller/allopathic Medicine came along we had herbs and various other natural remedies which impacted the body in a generally more gentle way. As drugs became more refined and more powerful on the whole we began to experience a greater impact on the body and the symptoms being managed. This increased impact had a double edged sword attached to, it also meant more deaths, complications and additional side effects on the body. In the present day we have Pharmaceuticals killing more people every year than all illegal drugs do combined, which has led many of us to seek out more subtle ways to manage the symptoms of our health related challenges, like Homeopathic remedies, herbs, improved diet, yoga, etc... Hot sexual energy is top-down stimulation, meaning that the energy perks up based on a visual stimulus or a fantasy. Studies done in Europe in 2002 showed that 13 percent of men ages 40-80 demonstrated erectile dysfunction (ED). A later follow up study was completed in 2011, but this time done with men 18-40 years old showed ED rates around 14-28%. Of course, I can’t be certain as to what caused this drastic increase particularly considering the men were younger in the second study, but I suspect the massive increase in using hot arousal for sexual stimulation is the driving force. The use of porn has sky rocketed to the point where now over 35% of all search engine inquiries are related to porn.

                                              Video: Sexual Energy, Hot vs Cool Arousal 

What we need to understand about top-down stimulus is that it inflames our being. When I say inflame I mean that we are being influenced by the experiential, bodily manifestation of the element of fire. Esoterically fire is associated with movement, action, transformation, burning/incinerating, and it affects all the other elemental aspects of the body. For example, how does fire affect water? It boils water which generates steam and steam is the faster moving form of water... Fire mixes with air it leads to the feeding of fire and the increased movement of air... fire with earth leads to the scorching of the earth and if the flames are intense enough the melting of rock into lava. In the body these manifestations are felt as physiological changes. Increased heart rate is the acceleration of the fire principle, increase breathing is the increase in the movement of the air principle, the boiling of water is the increase in glandular secretions, desire and rate of semen discharge. If you can consider for a moment the concept of the chakras. The chakras essentially are spins and vibrations. As energy moves from our base root chakra upward to the crown the frequency of vibration increases as well, and as our attention moves upward we get to experience how creation as we know it is manifests. All things physical at one point were something more fluid or subtle. Let's say you wish to buy a car. In your mind you intend the car and picture it, which is connecting at a higher frequency and less solid form. As you decide/desire (motionless water, sexual/potential energy) you wish to bring the car into reality you begin to work harder to manifest it; the effort and action which is the more dense and transformative fire principle in action. Once your fire is acting fueled by thought and intention we feel increased desire for the car and this increased desire/emotions, water element, is heated up into steam which turns the wheels even faster toward manifestation. Finally, the day comes to purchase the vehicle and once we are behind the wheel it is now manifest, earth element. So the progression energetically looks like pure energy/spirit activates the mind, the mind decides it wants a car, the decision perks up desire, desire leads to action, and action leads to the actual car. I hope this illustrates clearly the creation story all of which was initiated by the etheric aspect which is spirit or a seed which eventually birthed the thought (air).

When Hot arousal occurs energy is perked up in a intense manner and many physiological processes are stimulated, because the mind and the body are so intertwined this means that hot arousal will also increase activity in the mind. Consider a fetish or a kink. Kinks are top down stimulus, they exist because the mind has translated the signals from the nervous system and energy body which are influenced by past experiences, sometimes traumas, and unresolved issues. Understanding and exploring kinks can be instrumental in our individual growth if we can perceive why the desire and fantasy has surfaced. Often when acting out a kink we discover something of value about who we are on a deeper level, assuming we are functioning with some level of awareness; however this is a difficult task, as many of us get swept away in the hot desire to act and the gratification of the release that we fail to see the deeper meaning. Take for example a cuckolding situation in which a man desires to see his wife have sex with another man. Men who have this experience often report a confused mix of emotions and intensity of feeling associated with this act. The act is mixed with all the tell tail signs of hot arousal plus the addition of feelings of jealousy and possessiveness, and of course this is related to visual stimulus. I feel that if you were to survey many of these men about their history you might find they might look at porn a great deal or that the fantasy is linked to an actual betrayal; other words, the cuckold fantasy is actually him sexualizing the hurt as a protective mechanism for the personality. The issue with unresolved kink or reliance on hot arousal as a man’s soul means of expressing his sexuality is that all the heat generated accelerates the activity of the mind and this can lead to obsessing about hot situations and perhaps unhealthy expressions of one's sexual energy.

The natural balancing point lies in a man exploring cool arousal which slows down the mental process and places the awareness back into a more grounded state in the body. Cool arousal can take some getting used to because we get so accustomed to intense feelings. Cool leads to movement as well, but we are in a place of feeling and sensing, so the energy flow is concentrated in our body, hence in a more grounded state. Cool sexual energy flows into greater density, the body, where as hot sexual energy flows outward into the ethers. Cool arousal is very much a Yoga technique, and our lack of practice in this method is why many of us don’t truly understand Tantric sex. If we accept that awareness directs energy it also utilizes the fire principle in the body, however the difference once again has to do with the intensity of the heat and where it is being concentrated. Cool arousal will bring warmth to the body and includes a gentle stimulation of the heart. When we are stimulated in a hot way the energy is activated in such a way that it bypasses the heart and it's power pull to connect us with others and ourselves. When we connect with our sexual partners or ourselves in a cool way while self pleasuring, the slow gradual rise in sexual energy allows for us to not become so obsessive about getting off. When we take our time to connect we bring the heart into play and a energetic transformation can occur, which is at the heart of Tantric sex. Remember what I said at the beginning of this commentary that a man’s strength lies in his desire/genitals/sexual energy and his challenge lies in opening and connecting through his heart. Fundamentally hot arousal often creates a friction between partners unless they both are functioning through this mode. In the case of a opposite sex partners if he is in hot mental arousal and she is not, it’s highly likely that he will push to advance his sexual agenda based on the intense pressure of desire, which is a problem because she needs him to slow down so that she can let him in. This sort of sex can be draining for both involved. I’m not saying that cool is better than hot, but I am implying that it’s necessary that both partners be on the same page. When woman complains about a mans closed heart, she may very well be correct but it’s not accepting him for where he is at the present moment and any complaint about this will most likely create further withdraw on his part. When both parties take there time and allow arousal to rise in an intentional cool way then the rush of sexual desire need not bypass the heart allowing for deep connected sex. Connection transcends our mundane interests and hobbies, it allows us to connect as if on another dimension. The power of sexual connection creates a flow of energy that results in not only greater pleasure but it pressurizes our life force leading to catharsis, enhanced feelings of embodiment and clarity.

 The path for a man begins with practicing cool arousal during self pleasuring. The reason practice is necessary is because we need a contrast. If we continue to practice hot arousal by masturbating to porn then we will not be able to see the difference in effect these practices have of our sense of well being and the overall pleasure we experience. Research has found that after one ejaculation it takes minimally about three days for a man to recover physiologically from the release, and considering most men don’t wait 3 days between sessions means most men are functioning with sub-optimal energy. When I was in grad school and we were studying muscle adaptation to exercise induced stress we found out that for the first 40 days of a strength training program participants often experienced increases in strength. This adaptation was not due to increases in muscle size but rather due to augmentations in the nervous system, other words, one’s ability to lift more weight was because of increases in efficiency within the nervous system. The need to abstain from release for longer periods of time is necessary because it allows us to observe and contrast how we feel, and it allows our physiology to reset leading to our new norm. The overall discussion about hot vs cool arousal is one of balance; it’s about efficiency, the experience of ourselves and our bodies, the desire to choose practices which are additive to our lives, and ultimately lead to us feeling better about the lives we lead.... is there anything more practical than this?

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